little blue fish's stuffed closet

so I have NOT stuck to this year thing at all.  I’ve been looking at sundresses for my upcoming trip with my girlfriends for a resort trip.  I was almost tempted to buy a vivid turquoise strapless dress as a cover up, but you know what?  I don’t understand the blouson effect.  To me, it is very unflattering on the bust.  It makes people look like a giant blob and does not define the bust, which is an attractive part of the female figure.  Either it makes somone look like a giant blob, or it is so wrinkled it appears that they have no bust, the way large giant clothing makes a thin person look legless and alternatively, tight clothes make people look larger if they are large to begin with.  Which girl wouldn’t want a bust?  Check these dresses out, which are on sale.  Despite the nice patterns and colors, i don’t want to spend my money on something that makes me look like I have no boobs, or a blobby upper torso.

Recent additions are: the Charles David Rowdy boot, the Guess Solar Riding boot, Kelsi Dagger fashion sneakers white & black, Nine West oxford, Nine west Red suede bootie with buttons on back, with Applique on back, Franco Sarto Tripod Riding boot, Franco Sarto Track, Nordstrom Trouve Culton Bootie in Khaki and black, Trouve Port… Miss Me

This is the first thing that made me break my year long “no new thing” vow.  However, it is not clothes.  It is a wood framed canvas beach chair with reversible fabric, and low profile enough so my legs don’t dangle but can be set at a comfortable, reclining angle without completely reclining.  I had wanted one since I was 13.  This is exactly what I pictured down to the wood frame and canvas fabric, except in my mind the canvas was white.  Now I know that would get dirty too quickly.  Since I’ve been wanting one for the past 17 years, I got one. 

Oh, and I got this as a casualty as well, but it was from credit (one of my exceptions- rules to be posted).  It is by Guess and they had it in size 5, so I had to get it because size 5 is rare.  (Size 4.5 is so rare, size 5.5 is kinda rare.  Size 6 -11 is common, but those are not my sizes)

How do I know I can beat this if I keep at it?  I had beat a greater vice at one point.
The key is to not give up.  It is to not throw in the towel and start over Every time I fail.  Forgiving myself for small mistakes is key, this is not an all-or-nothing proposition.  Soon, it will come naturally.  It was natural at one point (pre-Internet, pre-credit card) especially when I was under the parents’ rule. 

I had beaten a food issue.  That is all I am going to say.  I thought I would never be able to overcome it… but one of those many times of “this is the last time” – it was, and I stopped FOR GOOD.  I am happy to say I killed it quite some time before I left Ohio -never in DC, never since I started my job, never since I ran the marathon last Sept, and never since being 30.  I guess it was a 20s thing.  It never even crosses my mind anymore.

So that is how I know if I stick to it, I can stop.  I’m in control.  But the key is, to keep trying in earnst, and one day there will be success. (unfortuantely, we only have a finite # of years to live, so let success come sooner than later)

I slipped up, but I’m still trying.  Every day it will get easier, and I should forgive my slip ups.  It’s not “all or nothing.”  just keep going.   At least I am returning something today.

Here are the  culprits. 

Skirt, Adrienne Pappesomething- Good for work, but not lined, and a size 2.  Sometimes I rationalize things that do not fit me in that I will alter it, but I seldom get around to doing so.  I also rationalize things I do not like in that it is “in my size.”  Harajuku lovers track jacket – nylon, so water proof, love the mesh lining.  Shirt- basic L/S red shirt, good for casual days.  Hype strapless chambray dress in size 0 - pricey, but in my size.  Good for riding the metro around DC.  Whenever I see a cute summer dress, I always picture myself waiting for the metro in it.  Don’t know why.  So now I realize, I can NOT window shop.  Window shopping does not work for me.  Lesson learned.

What derails my time & mental composure & drains my bank account  is this horrible habit of buying things.  I think it stems from ADHD or laziness but as an Asian, the doctor said it was “not possible I had ADHD.”  Out-of-control shopping is a common girl vice as illustrated by “confessions of a shopaholic” just as gambling is more of a male vice.  I never desire to hop to my nearest Ann Taylor or Nordstrom, but somehow, while pushing paper (studying, working) the true designers, photographers, database managers and webmasters provide easy stimulus for me to surf, click, and buy.  I find myself in clutter, not paying off my student loans, and with less time to work out – spending precious free time organizing.  I swim in clutter instead of working out.  I stress out about missing out on a deal, about spending too much, and about clutter.

So I made a pact with myself to not buy new stuff (I tend to buy too much when I need something… manila envelopes, pens galore, blank dvds & cds) particularly clothes for a full year- at least for the remaining 6 months of 30.  Cold turkey is easier than cutting back.  Cutting back doesn’t work for alcoholics or drug addicts.  Thinking of winter scares me, like thinking of life scares drug addicts.  But I have enough crap to last me a year or more, no stretching needed.  I read about the 2006 San Francisco group of friends who made this similar pact for a year, calling it the Compact.  I made softer rules.  I made more exceptions.

Started May 31, 2011.